Self-Sabotage

I self-sabotage. At least I think I do. Every time something really amazing is about to happen to me, I freak out and throw walls up and run from it. Who in their right mind would do that? Why would I not want something amazing to happen to me? Maybe because I know that with the potential for good always comes the potential for bad, and I am terrified of the bad. So scared in fact, that I run from the good, just to avoid any chance of the bad. That is a terrible way to live, and it's only been recently that I realized how often I do that, and I wonder what I've missed out on in my life because I was running from the potential of bad.

I also overthink everything, which is probably why I manage to see bad in something good. I can weigh decisions for months if you'll let me, whereas Todd can make a huge decision in one night. I envy that ability, because he probably ends up making better decisions as a result. He goes with his gut, combines it with a reasonable thought, and makes a decision. I weigh the pros and the cons until I forget what I'm even trying to decide, probably because I discovered something else I was unsure of along the way.

Is there a way to embrace these things about myself and learn to use them to my advantage? Or are they things I need to change, and fast, before I lose the best thing that's ever happened to me?

Again, I have no answers. I see in black in white in a world that's shades of gray, and that somehow leaves me hiding in the dark.